"When considering the situation of humankind, the first thing I notice is an obvious contradiction in its ordering that always makes it ambivalent. As individuals we live in a civil state, abiding by laws. As separate peoples, each one enjoys a natural freedom. This ultimately makes our situation worse than if no one knew about these differences."

[Commentary]
English style prefers to avoid nested subordinate expressions, if possible. REMARQUER is normally "notice", rarely "remark". English punctuation rules prohibit commas from restrictive relative clauses. "Manifest" is very old-fashioned and/or pompous. People can be "hesitant", but situations and meanings cannot be. "Civil" means "political, state-, governed", but "civilian" always is the opposite of "military." The abstract "laws" drops the article, as against most other European languages (e.g., la ve'rite' = "truth", la musique = "music"). The passivity of the final sentence is awkward, and "unknown" seems to be a negative of "savoir" rather than of "connaitre" ("desconhecidas/inconnues").

--Loquamur


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Note added at 2002-06-07 13:52:09 (GMT)
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Yes, Kim Metzger does better than I regarding the philosophical logic: \"individuals\", not \"separate peoples\".