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Corona quarantine diary
Téma indítója: Mervyn Henderson

Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
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Yes, please, keep us posted, ... May 4

P.L.F.Persio wrote: Keep us posted, Mervyn.

... because, as we all got to know by now by the lateral thinkers, we should not trust the system-oriented media, as they all lie (352 newspapers, 27 weekly magazines, 7 Sunday newspapers, 18 news agencies, 145 TV stations, and more than 300 radio stations in Germany*). They all lie and receive direct instructions by Mutti + Uschi.

* figures according to Wikipedia.de**
** lying too, of course, always.

[Bearbeitet am 2021-05-04 16:34 GMT]


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Madrid's Miss Management May 5

She's back in the saddle for another four years. There she was on the balcony of PP headquarters in Madrid, wallowing in the cries of happiness wafting upwards from her acolytes below. On reflection, perhaps you can't wallow in cries, but last night the Lady in Red did her level best to wallow. Wallow, and swallow too, because it was obviously an emotional moment for Princess of Darkness Isabel Díaz Ayuso, or rather President of Darkness. Eyes carefully smudged with mascara, I thought I saw her... See more
She's back in the saddle for another four years. There she was on the balcony of PP headquarters in Madrid, wallowing in the cries of happiness wafting upwards from her acolytes below. On reflection, perhaps you can't wallow in cries, but last night the Lady in Red did her level best to wallow. Wallow, and swallow too, because it was obviously an emotional moment for Princess of Darkness Isabel Díaz Ayuso, or rather President of Darkness. Eyes carefully smudged with mascara, I thought I saw her hand trembling as she took the microphone to tell the madrileños that Madrid is free at last, free at last, thank the Lord it's free at last. Free from its chains. Free from fascism. Free from lies. Free from insults. Free canapé with every vote. I should add that it might look like it was my eyes that were smudged with mascara in a rather unfortunate sentence a few lines up, which I won't change just for the comedy value, but no, it was her eyes. I never wear mascara myself because you know how people talk.

I hadn't realised that Madrid wasn't free, though. Especially since Izzy's been running it for the last few years. I suppose what she means is the snarling, slavering, embittered, evil, wretched, wrongdoing socialists and pinkos had tried to make it unfree, they had tried to wrench its freedom away, but they had failed, and Madrid is ours, she told the adoring hordes below.

Echoing one or two banners hung up on facades, she waxed lyrical telling them Madrid is freedom, freedom is Madrid, Madrid is Spain, and so freedom is Spain, Spain is freedom, freedom is freedom, and freedom is ours, we are freedom, and freedom is us ... she went on like that for a while. At one point she said "There are two things they tried to take from us (I was already mouthing the word "libertad" at that one), "Life and Freedom". So you can see the utter cruelty and ruthlessness of her opponents - they had even tried to do away with Madrid's life too. How you would actually try to do that, I'm not sure, but the point is they failed, and they failed miserably in their dastardly miserable efforts ... Etc. Etc.

The cheering masses lapped it up as they waved their Spanish flags at her, Chief Party Gnome Pablo Casado and Mrs Pablo, Mayor José Luis Martínez-Almeida, and some other bloke I can't remember. And they danced all night. Well, no, they didn't. They might have done, except they weren't free in that regard, because Madrid has a curfew at the moment (imposed by those freedom-hating central government socialists, of course), so they would have had to pack up their flags and chorizo sarnies by 11 pm.

Just as well for Izzy, because she was totally fed up not being able to free herself of the whole freedom thing, unsurprisingly. A rogue mike picked up her comment to someone the other day as they moved through the cheering throngs, "I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to the end of all this, because it's such a bind." I imagine she got a good sleep last night.

She didn't get an absolute majority, though, and will have to team up with the ultra-right to govern all that hard-earned freedom. Even the combined forces of the socialists and the two pinko parties don't cut it, and the Ciudadanos party, which might be a little right-wing, but it's hard to tell because they're a bit like Macron in France, a bit of the left, a bit of the right, a bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit of fence-sitting, just fell apart. Maybe they didn't go on enough about freedom during the campaign, who knows.

Today, though, everyone will say they won, except Ciudadanos, who will doubtless trundle out something along the lines of ... "acceptance of the voice of the people ... blah-blah-blah ... need for internal self-criticism ... blah-blah-blah ... readdress and reassess our strategy, objectives and criteria ... blah-blah-blah ...

Meanwhile, let the word go out: Freedom and Democracy have prevailed in Madrid, and they have prevailed in capital letters too. Rejoice, Spain, rejoice.

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:43 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:48 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:50 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:51 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:55 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:56 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-05 06:24 GMT]
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P.L.F. Persio
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Libertad? May 5

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

She's back in the saddle for another four years. There she was on the balcony of PP headquarters in Madrid, wallowing in the cries of happiness wafting upwards from her acolytes below. On reflection, perhaps you can't wallow in cries, but last night the Lady in Red did her level best to wallow. Wallow, and swallow too, because it was obviously an emotional moment for Princess of Darkness Isabel Díaz Ayuso, or rather President of Darkness. Eyes carefully smudged with mascara, I thought I saw her hand trembling as she took the microphone to tell the madrileños that Madrid is free at last, free at last, thank the Lord it's free at last. Free from its chains. Free from fascism. Free from lies. Free from insults. Free canapé with every vote. I should add that it might look like it was my eyes that were smudged with mascara in a rather unfortunate sentence a few lines up, which I won't change just for the comedy value, but no, it was her eyes. I never wear mascara myself because you know how people talk.

(...)

Meanwhile, let the word go out: Freedom and Democracy have prevailed in Madrid, and they have prevailed in capital letters too. Rejoice, Spain, rejoice.

[Edited at 2021-05-05 05:56 GMT]


According to this article https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/may/02/were-all-ayuso-lockdown-sceptic-poised-for-victory-in-madrid-election
apparently: “When they call you a fascist, you know you’re doing it right … and you’re on the right side of history,” she said in March. A few weeks later she acknowledged that life in Madrid was expensive and difficult, but said the good thing about the city was that you could go for a beer with family and friends at the end of a hard day’s work.

Wow, the woman is an intellectual powerhouse, a bulwark of moral authority. And, if I got that right, the madrileños may be now free from a lot of things, but from fascism they ain't.

Oh well, at least they're on the right side of history, and can celebrate their new "location" with a beer.


Matthias Brombach
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Right side is right May 5

In 1936 José Calvo Sotelo, the front man for the Spanish right / monarchist / Falangist / anti-separatist in the Spanish parliament, gave an impassioned speech, saying (this is off the cuff, from Hugh Thomas' excellent The Spanish Civil War, widely believed to be the most impartial account of things, by both sides) that, if he was being accused of being a fascist simply because he was on the side of the weak, the oppressed, etc. etc., then, he said, "I proudly declare myself a fascist".
... See more
In 1936 José Calvo Sotelo, the front man for the Spanish right / monarchist / Falangist / anti-separatist in the Spanish parliament, gave an impassioned speech, saying (this is off the cuff, from Hugh Thomas' excellent The Spanish Civil War, widely believed to be the most impartial account of things, by both sides) that, if he was being accused of being a fascist simply because he was on the side of the weak, the oppressed, etc. etc., then, he said, "I proudly declare myself a fascist".

Unfortunately a few coppers arrived at his home one night (I've reported this before on the thread), and told him he was under arrest and had to go down to the cop shop with them. He asked if he could make a telephone call, whereupon one of the cops ripped the telephone off the wall, and said "No, as you can see" (all this is the Franco version in later years, of course), and then he said to his wife - rather like Captain Oates leaving the tent on the Polar Expedition with Scott, saying, "I am just going out, and may be some time" - "I will be back later. Unless, of course, these gentlemen kill me."

Which they did, in the police car, and dumped the body of an MP in the cemetery, as a reprisal for one of their own shot dead the day before, for no reason other than being one of their own. And just after that the Spanish Civil War kicked in.

Right is right or right is wrong? Well, at least she's saying it, like poor old José.
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Chris T
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Poor José indeed May 5

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

In 1936 José Calvo Sotelo, the front man for the Spanish right / monarchist / Falangist / anti-separatist in the Spanish parliament, gave an impassioned speech, saying (this is off the cuff, from Hugh Thomas' excellent The Spanish Civil War, widely believed to be the most impartial account of things, by both sides) that, if he was being accused of being a fascist simply because he was on the side of the weak, the oppressed, etc. etc., then, he said, "I proudly declare myself a fascist".


I'm very sorry for Mr Calvo Sotelo who might have been a thoroughly decent and brave man but fascism, at least the brand of Ur-Fascism my fellow countrymen and women were subjected to live in for 20 years in Italy, between 1922-'43, if memory serves me right (we came up with it first, and we spread it and gave it to the world, just like we did with the Renaissance ideals; you're welcome), was most definitely NOT being on the side of the weak, the oppressed, etc. etc.

Mervyn, may I refer you once again to the article I shared last week on the Frivolous thread? Here it is: https://www.openculture.com/2016/11/umberto-eco-makes-a-list-of-the-14-common-features-of-fascism.html

A couple of highlights:

Contempt for the weak. “Elitism is a typical aspect of any reactionary ideology.”

Machismo and weaponry. “Machismo implies both disdain for women and intolerance and condemnation of nonstandard sexual habits, from chastity to homosexuality.”

Fear of difference. “The first appeal of a fascist or prematurely fascist movement is an appeal against the intruders. Thus Ur-Fascism is racist by definition.”

Appeal to social frustration. “One of the most typical features of the historical fascism was the appeal to a frustrated middle class, a class suffering from an economic crisis or feelings of political humiliation, and frightened by the pressure of lower social groups.”

Fascism has no redeeming features whatsoever, and if someone calls themselves "fascists", thinking they're on the right side of history, they're really wrong. And dangerous.


Chris T
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The right side May 5

Oh yes, PLF, I remember all those indicators. If I try to do anything here, although officially politics is banned, and I'm no politologist, I don't care what side of the fence they're on, if I try to do anything here, it's to put politicians down whenever I can. Any politician. I've been around long enough to know that 99% of the whole lot of them are lying through their teeth, and those that don't have teeth any more get dentures put in.

And, before I saw your message, I realised
... See more
Oh yes, PLF, I remember all those indicators. If I try to do anything here, although officially politics is banned, and I'm no politologist, I don't care what side of the fence they're on, if I try to do anything here, it's to put politicians down whenever I can. Any politician. I've been around long enough to know that 99% of the whole lot of them are lying through their teeth, and those that don't have teeth any more get dentures put in.

And, before I saw your message, I realised I had forgotten to give the pinkos a good drubbing too, so here goes:

Poor Pablo Iglesias. Poor Pablito. He left the central government to fight the good fight as one of the pinko candidates, but one of his ex-friends and his mate in the other pinko faction Más Madrid gave him a good kicking yesterday. So what can he do?

Go back to PM Pedro Sánchez, who was as keen to get rid of him as anyone is keen to get rid of an angry red pimple on their arse, and ask for his old job back? Er, no.

Go back to the university he used to firebrand at, or the Madrid TV programmes he used to firebrand on? Well, that worked a few years ago when firebranding was popular, but it's a dead duck now.

So it looks like Pablito might have to ditch the slightly less firebrandish hair bun he started sporting as a government minister, having ditched his trademark fully-fledged leftie firebrand pony tail, and go for one of those sensible haircuts 40-something men really should go for.

But, unlike the breadless, penniless, houseless, hopeless hordes he used to represent, Pablo has a lot going for him. Luckily Her Indoors Irene is still in the government as the pinkos' Ministeress of Equality, and never better said, that equality thing, for a man to stay at home and look after the two twins and the daughter too at their big F-off mansion in the nicer outskirts of Madrid, make sure they don't get lost wandering about between the east wing and the west wing, or burn their fingers on the foie gras being sautéd in the frying pan, or fall into that heated pool, and hope against hope that some day they don't ask him "So what did you do during the 2021 elections, daddy?"

And that way they could save money on the party member wifey reportedly had take care of the kids, free, gratis and for nowt. I can't actually mention that, of course, because it's still sub judice, so I won't. It's unfair. It's unfair in the same way people keep turning up at their mansion to shout and lob things over the fence into the garden. But it's not the same unfair as when people encouraged by them all those years ago would show up at PP politicians' mansions in Madrid to shout and lob things over the fence into the garden in a doorstep protest phenomenon which started in Argentina and is now known as a "escrache" here, because that was then and this is now. And it's all really about freedom, isn't it, but well, the word "freedom" seems to have been stolen as of yesterday from the left by the right. How about that? Of all the nerve. I mean, is that fair? Is that freedom? Is that the freedom Aretha Franklin sang about in The Blues Brothers?:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLbPv6yIvBU


[Edited at 2021-05-06 05:54 GMT]
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@PLF May 5

Also, I think you may have misunderstood my title "Right side is right". It may seem a little ambiguous, I admit, having taken another look at it. What I meant by that was, in reference to her saying she was on the "right side", "Yeah, sure, right side". Not that it was right. Right? Is that all right? Or all wrong? Oh dear ...

Chris T
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I know one person ... May 5

... an ex-pat, living in Germany, who will soon tell us, who are the true fascists in Germany. Unfortunately, I don't have time to contribute my decent knowledge about the first fascist movements in our beloved Kaiserreich, with the "Alldeutscher Verband" and the "Thule Bewegung", but it started as such (fascism) in modern times and together with industrialization and colonization. The true success came in the time after World War I and when the Germans were shaken through and through in the hea... See more
... an ex-pat, living in Germany, who will soon tell us, who are the true fascists in Germany. Unfortunately, I don't have time to contribute my decent knowledge about the first fascist movements in our beloved Kaiserreich, with the "Alldeutscher Verband" and the "Thule Bewegung", but it started as such (fascism) in modern times and together with industrialization and colonization. The true success came in the time after World War I and when the Germans were shaken through and through in the heavy economic times after 1918 with several economic crises, when people were literally starving and became homeless in droves in Germany and other European countries nobody today can imagine. But we will soon learn in the next webinar by the above-mentioned person, that the situation today is worst and that we need to fight fire with fire.Collapse


Mervyn Henderson
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P.L.F. Persio  Identity Verified
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@Mervyn May 5

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

Also, I think you may have misunderstood my title "Right side is right". It may seem a little ambiguous, I admit, having taken another look at it. What I meant by that was, in reference to her saying she was on the "right side", "Yeah, sure, right side". Not that it was right. Right? Is that all right? Or all wrong? Oh dear ...


Only the laws of physics are absolute, at least in theory, I heard. But, when it comes to human things, such as ideologies, there's nothing absolute, and we should be very wary of anyone telling us that there is. And maybe, in the light of what I'm writing, I should add "almost" nothing.

The pinkos deserve a good drubbing and The People too, of whom every politician seems to be so in awe and ready to serve and appease. Well, that's what they say, and talk is cheap.

I'm one of The People and there are way too many times when I wouldn't want to appease myself, or be in awe of myself. The things I get wrong, the nuances I miss, the sense I just can't seem to finally put into my head ... I should have my right to vote taken away from me, but where are those who never ever screw up?

Let's hear it for Democracy and Freedom. Today, it's Liberation Day in the Netherlands, and I'm very grateful for it to all of those who fought and gave their lives for us.


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WestEnders – Liz and Phil - Part 7 (we might have skipped 6, not sure) 05:41

“Wot’s all the press doin’ at the door, Phil? Wot’s ‘appened? I can’t leave you alone for two minutes, I can’t.”

“Yer, I know, laav, but let’s say that today I struck a blow for #MeToo, laav. Wot could easily ‘ave escalated into an extremely serious international incident ‘as been averted, and a wrong ‘as been righted at the Queen Mum. Justice ‘as been done, and justice ‘as been seen to be done an’ all.”

“Well, then, Phil, why don’t
... See more
“Wot’s all the press doin’ at the door, Phil? Wot’s ‘appened? I can’t leave you alone for two minutes, I can’t.”

“Yer, I know, laav, but let’s say that today I struck a blow for #MeToo, laav. Wot could easily ‘ave escalated into an extremely serious international incident ‘as been averted, and a wrong ‘as been righted at the Queen Mum. Justice ‘as been done, and justice ‘as been seen to be done an’ all.”

“Well, then, Phil, why don’t you set me up a stiff dabble Irish and tell me all abaht it?”

“It’s fanny you should mention whiskey, Liz, because … well, it was a bit of a difficult mornin’ in ‘ere. I ‘ad that Percy the Ponce at the bar, you know, that ravin’ old woofter wot wears the lurid pink an’ canary yellow suit, an’ ‘e was borin’ me shitless wiv ‘is talk about ‘ow ‘is squeeze don’t understaaand ‘im, drives ‘im up the walls by not puttin’ the cap back on the bleedin’ toothpaste tube, treads crumbs into the carpet and keeps tryin’ on Percy’s Calvin Klein Packet Bulger Specials and lookin’ ‘imself up and dahn in the mirror, when everyone knows ‘ow unhygienic that is, you know the way they get, and then ‘e goes over to the jukebox all sad, like, and ‘e puts I Will Survive on, and cor, stone the crows if ‘e don’t start bladdy singin’ it too.”

“But it wasn’t just ‘im, Liz. There was a bladdy crowd of problematic puntahs in the place. That Paddy the Pedant was on form too. You know, that bloke wot you can’t say nowt to wivvout some kind of smug reply. The uvvah day I cried out “’Ave a noice day, Paddy” as ‘e was leavin’, all breezy, like, spreadin’ good cheer an’ ‘appiness, an’ ‘e just stares at me wiv ‘is ‘and on the door, sighs and sez “And what if I have uvvah plaaaaans, Phil?” And ‘e was at it again today. “Want some baked beans wiv your pork pie, Paddy, you know, wet it up a bit?” I asks, and ‘e just gives that sigh, see, and sez “Yes, but it’s beans, Phil, beans”, and I say “Swot I said, innit?” an’ ‘e says “Yes, but you take a butchah’s at the lunch board up there. Sez bean’s there, wiv an apostrophe denotin’ possession, when possession is simply and clearly not the case. And liver an’ onion’s, too. These things are crucial, Phil.”

“Well, you know wot I mean. It don’t really make no difference,” I say, and ‘e just rolls ‘is eyes, dunnee, and says “There you go again, wiv a dabble negative. I tell you, these things can lead to major misunderstaaaandings, pal. Disastrous consequences on a huge scale, see. When I was an architect, if I ‘ad written wall’s instead of walls on the plaaans, that could singularise the wall across an extensive an’ bewilderin’ range of scenarios and situations, right, and we’d be left wiv only one wall possessin’ sumpfink instead of what we really wanted, which was several walls possessin’ nuffink at all, see. And don’t talk to me about foundation’s, foundations’ and foundations. As for the dabble negatives, why, I was left on site once in the early days, and the boss man sez to me, “Now, young Paddy me lad, while I’m gone, don’t you pour no concrete into that ‘ole there, d’you ‘ear?”, and I sez, “Gotcha, boss”, and when ‘e gets back, ‘e sez, “Wot the faaack you done ‘ere, you’ve filled up this faackin’ trench wiv concrete, the exact opposite of what I told you, you daft potato-munchin’ pillock”, but I said, “Well, technically “don’t pour no concrete” means “pour some concrete”, boss, so I did.”

“I tell you, Liz, you need a bleedin’ Ph.D in psychiatry to work in this place. They say the ‘ighest suicide rate is found among psychiatrists and dentists, but none of them bods evah had to listen to all the crap a barman ‘as to listen to. And that Robbie the Rasta was in too, skinnin’ up underneath the bar, and …”

“Funny, Phil, innit, ‘ow all the characters in the Queen Mum ‘ave those alliterative epifets as names?”

“Wossat, Liz? Alliter …?”

“Alliterative epifets, Phil. Their name starts wiv the same lettah as a certain attriboot, characteristic, tendency or profession. There’s Nobby the Nonce from larst time, Percy the Ponce, Paddy the Pedant, Robbie the Rasta …”

“Oh, I see, is that wot it’s called, yeah. Well, I probably encourage that a little myself, laav. In fact, some bloke orders a pint of Bullman’s the uvvah day, and I sez, “Woss yor name then, squire”, and ‘e says “Marty, I’m Marty, I am”. “Marty?” I sez, “well, that’s a funny name, kinda short, innit”, and ‘e asks why, and I explain, and then ‘e says, “’Ow about Marty the Moog?” and I sez “Well, that don’t really mean nuffink, but then we got a Terry the Tosh comes in ‘ere too, so why not?”

“But then Percy goes “Ooh, aah”, because in walks that Turkish bloke, that president one wiv the free names, and the bald Belgium wiv the beard ‘oo looks like ‘is face is upside down, they sit dahn at the bar, and then the door opens again, and in comes that Ursula von der Leyen in ‘er smart little suit, the gel wiv all the bouncy ‘air, and she smiles and goes over to them, but the Turk says, “Charles, why don’t you tell your girl to sit over zere and maybe make zome notes for uzz while we get on with zee important things”, and the Belgium kinda nods, says “Oui, oui, ma fille, casse-toi, assieds-toi là-bas”, wivout even lookin’ at ‘er, and ‘er sweet little face falls, and she goes over to the alcove and gets out ‘er papers from ‘er little briefcase and whatnot. Well, I leaves them two discussing their affairs of state and the like, and I goes over to ‘er, and I sez “Ursula”, I sez, “I’m not an EU man meself, but they didn’t oughta do that to Missus President, why don’t you say sumfink?” I even fought I saw a little tear in ‘er eye, so I sez “Don’t you worry none, laav, Uncle Phil’ll fix this for you. I’ve got a little plaaan, see.” And then I whispers a little in ‘er ear:”



TO BE CONTINUED

...

BUT FIRST, A LITTLE WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR:

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[Edited at 2021-05-06 05:59 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-06 06:00 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-06 06:02 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-06 07:12 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-05-06 07:15 GMT]
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Chris T
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That was great 07:07

Thank you, Mervyn, what a way to start the day!

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WestEnders – Liz and Phil (forget the parts) 17:48

Phil is still explaining a cunning, devious and ultimately implausible plan to help out the beleaguered President of the European Commission in a rather tricky and delicate situation of protocol:



“So back I goes to the bar, I whips out two large bottles of Nestea wivout the two big cheeses seein’ me, I fills up a few ‘alf-pint glarsses wiv ‘em, and I leaves ‘em on the shelf beside the bar door at the end. Then I starts fillin’ up anuvva ‘alf-pint glars
... See more
Phil is still explaining a cunning, devious and ultimately implausible plan to help out the beleaguered President of the European Commission in a rather tricky and delicate situation of protocol:



“So back I goes to the bar, I whips out two large bottles of Nestea wivout the two big cheeses seein’ me, I fills up a few ‘alf-pint glarsses wiv ‘em, and I leaves ‘em on the shelf beside the bar door at the end. Then I starts fillin’ up anuvva ‘alf-pint glarss with Black Bushmills whiskey in front of them, and I shows it to ‘em, an’ I sez: “So, are you two gents gonna ‘ave the same as Ursula, an ‘alf pint of this ‘ere Black Bush whiskey?”, and they look up and I go to the end of the bar, I switch the Black Bush for the Nestea all sly, like, and I take it over to ‘er, and she winks at me, frows down ‘alf that Nestea right in front of ‘em, says “Aaaah!”, bangs it dahn on the table, wipes ‘er mouff wiv ‘er ‘and, and goes: “Ja, ja, zat whiskey really hit zee spot, Herr Phil!”

“So they’re starin’ at Ursula, and I say: “So, gents … same for you two? Although, I gotta say, Black Bush ain’t for everyone, course. Got to ‘ave character for that stuff. For the big lads only. Or big lasses. She can fairly ‘old ‘er drink, though, can Frau Von der Leyen ‘ere. Yer, I suppose maybe you two lads might settle for a glarss of lager and lime each instead. Or a Pimm’s or a Babycham or sumpfink …?”

“No, no, of courze we will have the zame as zeh girl,” sez this Turkish bloke, a bit ‘urriedly, like, “we are men, after all. Whiskey, yez, two half pints of zuh Black Bush for uz too, yez.”

“And just then Ursula frows back the rest of it, and shouts “Same again, Herr Phil!”, so I gives them their ‘alf pints of Bush, I pour anuvvah for ‘er, do the switch at the door, and out I go again, and she swigs down anuvvah big gulp of Nestea, and shouts “Komm on, gentlemen, drink up, vill you, I am about to order my zurd!”

And so these two start swiggin’ at the Bush like big men, but all splutterin’ and whatnot, ‘cos an ‘alf pint of Bush ain’t no laughin’ mattah, is it? “Kinda cuts into the froat and screams up the nose, dunnit, gents?” I say, “this is major drinkin’ league, like”, and they’re both garspin’ by the time they get through it, and then Ursula shouts for anuvvah, and the Belgium gulps and gulps and sez, “Set zem up again, pleaz, Monsieur Phil,” and so it goes on.”

“By the time Von der Leyen was on numbah five, these bozos woz still strugglin’ wiv number two, and I sez: “Oh deah, maybe you oughta cool it a little, this ain’t for newbies, like, an’ you don’t wanna get legless, do you”, but the Turk says “No, no, we are fine, exshellent, we men are not drunk, of coursh we are not,” so I keep settin’ them up and pretty soon they start bletherin’ all loud, drapin’ their arms over each uvvah’s shoulders, sayin’ “You’re my besht mate, you are, no, really, I mean it, I faacckin’ mean it, laaad, honeshtly, honesht to God”, and all that kind of fing, and then that Charles suddenly lets out this huge, long loud burp, and sez “That’s this morning’sh moules frites gone with the wind, that ish”, and the uvvah bloke sez, “That’sh nothing, jusht you lisshen to thish,” an’ e’ lifts up ‘is ‘ips from the stool, lets one rip and sez “That’s my missush’s laaaamb kebabsh, that,” and they both start larfin’ and larfin’ and larfin’, and then Ursula comes over, downs the rest of ‘er glarss, and sez “Well, boys, I haff arranged a press conference for you at zee entrance in two minutes, so maybe you should finish up zee Black Bush and get ready”, and the Belgium puts ‘is arm around ‘er, looks ‘er up and dahn all glarssily an’ lecherously and sez, “All right, all right, all right, keep your hair on, love, and … talking of Black Bush, Ursula, you a natural blonde, are you, chérie?”, but she just shakes ‘im off, and they both straighten their ties, and off they stagger to all the camera crews waitin’ out there.”

“Well, Liz, Ursula, Percy the Ponce an’ me watched it all from the window. Wot a show. First the Turk stumbles into one of the reporters, and sez all huffily: “Can’t you watssch where you’re bloody going, shir”, and the reporter says “Watch it yourself, John, I didn’t do nuffink”, and then Mr Prez takes a swing at ‘im, but ‘e ducks and ‘e punches that Andrew Marr right in the mouff, and the Belgium starts gigglin’ again, and then suddenly ‘e barfs all over that little reporter from Sky TV, you know, the one wiv the big … smile, yeah, well, ‘e sicks all over ‘er rather ample bosom, ‘e does, you shoulda seen the look on ‘er face, livid, she woz, and Charles sez “Oh, I’m dreadfully shorry, Missh,” and starts grinnin’ and wipin’ an’ pawin’ all over ‘er blouse, and she sez “Get your bladdy ‘ands off me, you pervert”, and then ‘e pulls down ‘is zip and sez: “Zut alorsch, je vais pissscher un coup, moi”, but Ursula goes out and drags them both in again. Then she goes outside, says “I do regret this, ladies and gentlemen of the press. I have the situation under control now. I will give the press conference myself in one hour. Thank you.”

“So when she comes back in, the two of them are sittin’ at the bar all bedraggled and bebollocked, and she goes over to the Turk, and she says “You’d better get yesself back to Ankara asap, sunshine, if they’ll even ‘ave you back after this”, and Charles frows ‘is arm around ‘er again, but she just slaps ‘im and sez, … “and as for you, Charlie … President of the European Council? Do wot? Nobody even knows wot the European Council is or wot it does, an’ that includes me an’ all, but they all know wot the European Commission is, an’ I’m it’s bleedin’ Prez, I am, and if you evah diss me or belittle me again any time, any place, anywhere, in front of anyone at all, do you know wot I’ll do? I’ll tell you wot I’ll do, I’ll pull that big Belgium bottom of yours right up your back, over your ‘ead and onto your neck, so you can kiss your own narsty little bottle an’ glarss, that’s wot I’ll do, so ‘elp me Gawd,” she rasps. Picks up the Cockney pretty quick, does that Ursie. It was like listenin’ to Pauline Fowlah readin’ Arfur the riot act for playin’ away from ‘ome. Before she brained ‘im wiv the fryin’ pan, I mean.”

“That Percy the Ponce lapped it up, ‘e did. He gave Ursie a big ‘ug an’ a big smackah on the cheek, just as Paddy the Pedant was comin’ back from the bog. “My ‘ero, my ‘ero”, squeals Percy, and Paddy sez, “Wot’s all the noise outside there, then? ‘Ave I missed sumpfink?”

“Ursie sez, “Nah, you didn’t miss nuffin’, mate”, and then Paddy gives one of ‘is big pedantic sighs, and sez: “Well, really, anuvvah dabble negative from this blonde baby too, where will it all end, eh, and, while we’re abaht it, technically, Percy, you should really ‘ave said “My ‘eroine, my ‘eroine”.

“Well, Liz, Von der Leyen just nodded over at Paddy, and smiled a kind of nasty smile as she gave ‘im the fingah. “Baby, eh?” she sez, and then she walks over to the jukebox and puts a coin in the slot. Kind of boppy, it was. Didn’t recognise it at first, but I must say Madison Avenoo was most appropriate given the circumstaaances:”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn-qE-h7s84

TO BE CONTINUED (I THINK this one's finished, but you never know - lots of scope with that Ursie gal)


[Edited at 2021-05-06 18:03 GMT]
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P.L.F. Persio
Chris T
 

Chris T  Identity Verified
Egyesült Királyság
svéd - angol
+ ...
Political update 18:28

(“Don’t call me baby” is a bit “Eats shoots and leaves” for me. Why doesn’t she want him to ring her?)

Today was polling day in the good ol’ U of K. Especially in Wales.

Due to the complex nature of my breathtakingly exciting life, I had to attend TWO polling stations. One for my daughter, and one for me.

Then I was faced with THREE different ballots.

One of which was as long as my arm. Literally. Well, up to the elbow anyway. Wh
... See more
(“Don’t call me baby” is a bit “Eats shoots and leaves” for me. Why doesn’t she want him to ring her?)

Today was polling day in the good ol’ U of K. Especially in Wales.

Due to the complex nature of my breathtakingly exciting life, I had to attend TWO polling stations. One for my daughter, and one for me.

Then I was faced with THREE different ballots.

One of which was as long as my arm. Literally. Well, up to the elbow anyway. Which is as deep as you ever really want to go.

There were TWO different “Abolish the Assembly” parties. There were TWO different “No more lockdown” parties. There were TWO independence parties. Plus all the usual crowd, and the extremists like the Communists and the Conservatives. If that’s what you get with partial proportional representation, I shudder to think what fully proportional representation would be like.

We won’t know the results for a bit. They won’t be counting overnight due to Covid, which is well known for being particularly virulent in the early hours. And who knows how much meddling the Russians need to fit in first.

I predict the terraced bits will vote Labour, the Mini-driving bits will vote Tory, and the empty bits will vote Nationalist, like they always do. And the Assembly will continue to be 0.5% more cautious about Covid than Westminster to make sure they have their arses covered at all times.

Which, let’s face it, is a good idea. At the end of the day, a Welsh chocolate starfish is still a chocolate starfish.
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Mervyn Henderson
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:42
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Well, up to the elbow anyway. 18:34

Which is as deep as you ever really want to go. Class!

Actually, I had no idea about all those UK elections. The only three things that have been on the box here are Covid, Vaccines and Madrid.



And she doesn't want him to ring her because every time she picks up, she hears "Hi there, baby", and then she says "I keep telling you not to call me that".

[Edited at 2021-05-06 18:37 GMT]


 
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