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Corona quarantine diary
Téma indítója: Mervyn Henderson

Chris T  Identity Verified
Egyesült Királyság
svéd - angol
+ ...
Sticky fingers Apr 20

So that’s why the Queen always wears gloves...

In other news today, the front page of one of the papers features a picture of my neighbour and the headline “Tom’s fart hell”. I wonder how much I could get to reveal all?

[Edited at 2021-04-20 07:22 GMT]


Mervyn Henderson
P.L.F. Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Gloves Apr 20

Of course. You look at the kind of people she has to shake hands with. You might wear two pairs just in case. Mags preferred latex, apparently.

P.L.F. Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Headline Apr 20

I'll give you a bag of roast chicken crisps and a pint of Taff Extra Strength IPA next time I'm in Wales down at the Dog and Daff. Do share!

P.L.F. Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Tom Jones Apr 20

Well, I never found the piece on Tom, but I'm impressed by the inordinate amounts of trash posing as news items. Wodney of Only Fools and Horses' family tragedy (I never went further on the tragedy, but Rodders does look pretty emaciated these days), a totally, but totally tattooed Thai woman who sees her body as a piece of art and has been decorating herself since age 14 ... the list goes on ...

 

Baran Keki  Identity Verified
Törökország
Local time: 22:26
ProZ.com-tag
angol - török
Could this guy be a Querdenker? Apr 20

I know he's a knobhead in general, but as I said before I don't know much about querdenkers...
https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/ted-nugent-tests-positive-coronavirus-120944490.html


Mervyn Henderson
 

Chris T  Identity Verified
Egyesült Királyság
svéd - angol
+ ...
The Nuge Apr 20

Baran Keki wrote:
I know he's a knobhead in general, but as I said before I don't know much about querdenkers...
https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/ted-nugent-tests-positive-coronavirus-120944490.html

He’s always been a full-blown redneck but he did record this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0c3d7QgZr7g


Mervyn Henderson
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Welsh Tiger Apr 21

By a strange coincidence (this is true, by the way), Tom was on the Spanish news last night, talking about his new project at 80 years old. He was sitting in a studio talking about it in original version, with Spanish subtitles. Quite an amusing guy, Tom, but since I've only heard him singing, not just talking, I'd never heard his Welsh accent before. There were a number of cuts and re-takes, with a lot of sniggering inbetween, so maybe that was the headline, rogue expulsions of air as he talked... See more
By a strange coincidence (this is true, by the way), Tom was on the Spanish news last night, talking about his new project at 80 years old. He was sitting in a studio talking about it in original version, with Spanish subtitles. Quite an amusing guy, Tom, but since I've only heard him singing, not just talking, I'd never heard his Welsh accent before. There were a number of cuts and re-takes, with a lot of sniggering inbetween, so maybe that was the headline, rogue expulsions of air as he talked excitedly about his future plans.

He was also at pains to apologise to his neighbour, a Mr S, for the loud screeches at all hours by gaggles of women being pleasured beyond their wildest dreams to the strains of 'Sex Bomb', and the lewd spectacle of the panties of their stand-ins waiting their turn, strewn all over the lawn (OK, so that bit I made up).

[Edited at 2021-04-21 08:13 GMT]
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Chris T
P.L.F. Persio
 

Kay Denney  Identity Verified
Franciaország
Local time: 21:26
Tag (2018 óta)
francia - angol
. Apr 21

By special request from Mervyn, please let me put an end to the suspense: I thought pig's ear and vicar's daughter were well-known enough not to require being spelled out. But apparently not, and I have been caught in flagrante delicto as someone who fails to read every single post of this long and winding thread. I'm blaming this on Proz still not having a "start reading where you left off" function.
So, pig's ear is obviously beer, I mean, how could it be anything else?
As for th
... See more
By special request from Mervyn, please let me put an end to the suspense: I thought pig's ear and vicar's daughter were well-known enough not to require being spelled out. But apparently not, and I have been caught in flagrante delicto as someone who fails to read every single post of this long and winding thread. I'm blaming this on Proz still not having a "start reading where you left off" function.
So, pig's ear is obviously beer, I mean, how could it be anything else?
As for the vicar's daughter, I was told by my True Cockney mother that it was water, but Google tells me it's "quarter", specifically in a context of buying small quantities of drugs. Of course my mother wouldn't have known about that.

[Edited at 2021-04-21 08:25 GMT]
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Mervyn Henderson
P.L.F. Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Water and beer Apr 21

Thanks a lot, Kay. I had a feeling that "pigs" and "vicars" simply had to have much more sinister, debauched meanings. And I'll go with water, not quarter, as more general and plausible.

Kay Denney
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
WestEnders – Liz and Phil – Part 5 Apr 21

Liz continues her account of her night out with Princess Margaret all those years ago:

“So there we woz, Phil, speedin’ dahn Bucking’am Palace Road, and I squeals “Right ‘ere, Archie, this is our stop, innit!” ‘An out we gets, Mags and me, ‘an ‘e gets out too, sayin’ “Wot you doin’, love, ’s all closed ahp, like”, an’ then ‘e goes white as a sheet, dunnee, when ‘e sees Norm an’ Steve all dressed up in their red uniforms an’ busbies in front of t
... See more
Liz continues her account of her night out with Princess Margaret all those years ago:

“So there we woz, Phil, speedin’ dahn Bucking’am Palace Road, and I squeals “Right ‘ere, Archie, this is our stop, innit!” ‘An out we gets, Mags and me, ‘an ‘e gets out too, sayin’ “Wot you doin’, love, ’s all closed ahp, like”, an’ then ‘e goes white as a sheet, dunnee, when ‘e sees Norm an’ Steve all dressed up in their red uniforms an’ busbies in front of the sentry boxes, snappin’ to attention for us and puttin’ sword to shouldah an’ all that, and then all the Special Branch come out, sayin’ “Where on ‘earf ‘ave you been, your royal ‘ighnesses, your muvva’s practically palpitatin’ back in there, for Gawd’s sake.” So I look up at the Palace, and sure enough I see mummy at one of the top windows, in ‘er curlers and dressin’ gown, wiv a glarss of G&T in ‘er ‘and, an’ a Numbah Six in ‘er mouff, and I could just see daddy pacin’ up and dahn behind ‘er too.”

“So I came back to Archie wiv all the coppahs, I did, and I took out a tennah, and said, “See that bloke on the note ‘ere, Archie, well, that’s my dad, that is. A right royal ten-pound note, that is, from a right royal princess. But don’t you go spendin’ it all at once, and straight ‘ome to Lambeff now, Your Grace, no dawdlin’ and no hangin’ around with them naughty gels we saw on the street corners around Vauxhall on the way ‘ere, an’ ‘e looks at me, an’ ‘e’s standin’ there wiv ‘is mouff openin’ and closin’, sayin’ “Lor luvva duck-lor luvva duck-lor luvva duck”, and you know wot he did, Phil?”

“I dunno, Liz. If I’d been ‘im, I’d probably ‘ave fainted dead away.”

“‘E goes down on bended knee, does Archie, and ‘e kneels there an’ says all solemn, like, “My gracious Princess, I am yor faifful servant. Gawd save the King, the Queen and the Princesses of a loyal an’ grateful nation.” “I tell you this, Phil, I was still just the heiress then, but lookin’ down at ‘im kneelin’ there, I’d have knighted this bloke right away. There and then, straight app. “Giss that sword of yours a sec”, I’d ‘ave said to Norm, and I’d ‘ave touched ‘im lightly wiv it on each shouldah, and said “By the powers invested in me as Queen of this glorious nation, I ‘ereby knight you, Archie. Arise, Sir Archie of Lambeff.”

“But Special Branch and all the rest ‘ad uvvah ideas about our Archie, din’ they? They dragged ‘im up off ‘is knees and tossed ‘im about a bit, saying “Wot’s your game, mistah? Wot you mean by it, ferryin’ the royal gals around at dead of night? ‘Oo the faaack are you anyway, bodgah?”

And then I chipped in, and I said “Leave ‘im alone, will ya?, but they just ignored me and kept pushin’ ‘im around and spread-eagled ‘im over the bonnet of the cab, and they was takin’ out the cuffs, and then I just shouted: “Take your ‘ands off that man, that good Englishman, that fine British subject, that well-deservin’ patriot, at once! ‘Er Royal ‘Ighness the Princess Elizabeff of the ‘Ouse of Windsah commaaands it! At once, I say, or I’ll ‘ave every last man jack of you sent to the bleedin’ Tower!”, I yelled, and then they all fell back just like that, they did. Gawd, I laav that power sometimes, Phil, I do.”

“So what ‘appened to that bloke, Liz? That was that, was it?”

“Well, yes and no, Phil. They escorted ‘im ‘ome, but Special Branch was worried about the PR an’ all, because they were worried Archie would talk about princesses bein’ aht makin’ whoopee in the East End, so they took ‘im back to ‘is place in Whitechapel, and cut ‘is froat as soon as ‘e got in the door. But there were complications, see, because they found ‘is wife and kids there too, plus his Auntie Evelyn ‘ad come down from Scunthorpe to stay wiv ‘er nephew for a few days after poor Uncle Rodney ‘ad parssed on from consumption, see, so they ‘ad to do away wiv all of ‘em, and they torched the place as they left, cover their tracks, like, just in case. Fiddled around wiv the leccy, too, to make it look like a short-circuit fire, case anybody arsked any inconvenient questions at the inquest, not that anyone gives a buggah about a fire in the East End, of course, and not that anyone would ‘ave dug in too deep anyway. But they said it woz a shame about the older kid all the same, though, because ‘e was still up when they got there, all excited about bein' Jack in ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ in the school panto the next day, and the little girl ‘ad just finished ‘er scrapbook on ‘Flowers, Shrubs and Plants of the British Isles’, and …”

“They killed them all, Liz? Is that wot you’re sayin’?”

“…. Naoooh, Phil, I’m just ‘avin’ you on, my laav!!!! You should ‘ave seen your face just then, it woz a pitchah! State murder? Naooh, naooh, ‘ow could the authorities of this green an’ pleasant laaand evah do anyfink like that? Apart from in Ireland, that is, natch, because those barstids is just arskin’ for it, in’t they? No, but it could ‘ave gorn a different way altogevvah, because as we was all millin’ around at the gates, up comes that ‘Eadcase ‘Arrington, and ‘e’s standin’ next to daddy, lookin’ at Archie, and I sees ‘im drawin’ a fingah across ‘is froat, and I goes up to them, and I says, “Daddy, don’t you let ‘Eadcase harm one ‘air on Archie’s ‘ead, because if you do, if you do, daddy, I’ll nevah speak to you again, evah, evah, evah, and daddy said, kind of stammerin’ like, …”

“'Eadcase ‘Arrington? Wasn’t ‘e the chap wot they put in charge of MI5 after the war? The Special Ops lad wot ‘ad them string up Mussolini?”

“The very same, Phil, the very same. Somefink ‘appened to that bloke during the war when ‘e was over there. Seen a lorra bad staff, ‘e did, and ‘e went kinda wonky arfterwards. You don’t get called ‘Eadcase ‘Arrington for bein’ a gent, do you, no, you don’t. Yer, mummy told me ‘Eadcase was in on it when the Eyetie partisans ‘ad just captured old Signor Mussolini tryin’ to do a midnight flit dressed as a woman, and the Italians said “Well-a, e! now we-a take heem into a-custody, and we a-try heem, we a-geeve him the a-trial he a-denied to ozzaz, but ‘Eadcase said, “Nah, nah, sod that, John, wot you gotta do ‘ere, partisaani, is set an exaaample, encourager les autres, see, so you string that fat stronzo up in the square, right, along wiv that Clara Petacci bird and a few uvvahs, sends a message, get me?” And so that’s wot they done, they strung ‘im up wiv that Charles Aznavour of ‘is for everyone to see.”

“Charles Aznavour? But ‘e couldn’t ‘ave called ‘er a Charles Aznavour, Liz, ‘coz, if memory serves me right, Charles Aznavour was born on 22 May 1924, and ‘e might ‘ave been frowin’ aht a few Frog toons ‘ere and there by then, but ‘e weren’t famous.”

“'Oo said ‘Eadcase said that, Phil? Oi said that, dinnoi, in the present day, in a vague attempt to paraphrase in subsequential mode a comment from a previous epoch. You keep interruptin’ me ‘ere, Phil, and it’s not on, me old son. You went on and on about bloody Macron the uvvah day, so it’s my turn now, an’ we was TO BE CONTINUED larst time, too, wasn’t we, and … oh buggah, there it is again, see? … now you’ve got to wait for next time to ‘ear about ‘Eadcase ‘Arrington jast because you couldn’t keep your raddy trap shut. Bladdy consorts, I don’t know …

...

TO BE CONTINUED


[Edited at 2021-04-21 16:39 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-04-21 16:45 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-04-21 16:52 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-04-21 17:30 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-04-21 17:52 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-04-21 18:20 GMT]
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expressisverbis
P.L.F. Persio
Chris T
Zibow Retailleau
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
To be or not to be in the Basque Country Apr 21

Nobody can leave the Basque Country at the moment, except in cases of dire necessity, so more than a few questions have been asked about football players' families and hangers-on being allowed to go along for those two Copa del Rey final games down in Sevilla recently. Hardly a case of dire necessity, right?

Still, the Basque Government is keen to defend the two clubs, and its spokesman Bingen Zupiria brushed the whole thing off because "it didn't happen in the Basque Country". Tal
... See more
Nobody can leave the Basque Country at the moment, except in cases of dire necessity, so more than a few questions have been asked about football players' families and hangers-on being allowed to go along for those two Copa del Rey final games down in Sevilla recently. Hardly a case of dire necessity, right?

Still, the Basque Government is keen to defend the two clubs, and its spokesman Bingen Zupiria brushed the whole thing off because "it didn't happen in the Basque Country". Talk about spin. Me being me, you might think I'm making this up, but I'm not. His reasoning, presumably, was that, technically, because they had left Euskadi (although, infinitely less technically, they weren't allowed to do so in the first place), the misdemeanour had occurred outside the Basque Country because they had left it and weren't in the Basque Country any more. And, when they came back, presumably, again technically they hadn't officially infringed anything inside the Basque Country.

Again presumably, anyone here could technically drive to Cantabria down the road, and explain to the coppers that technically once they've crossed the line, technically it's nothing to do with them. Presumably, again, when they come back, they can say that technically they've done nothing wrong in the Basque Country.

Now you work that one out, but I'm a little lost. Sounds to me like Dominic Cummings Syndrome, only with a lot more technically.

[Edited at 2021-04-21 17:24 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-04-22 05:07 GMT]
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expressisverbis
P.L.F. Persio
Chris T
Zibow Retailleau
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
The fight for Madrid Apr 22

I watched the televised debate among the candidates with their sights set on being President of the Regional Madrid Government, after the elections on 4 May. I say debate, but predictably it was the usual slanging match with few solutions for the virus-beleaguered / economy-beleaguered people of Madrid, and I went to bed halfway through. As did half the country, possibly.

Current PP Presidentess Isabel Díaz Ayuso - although they call her "Ayuso" in the same way they called Pablo R
... See more
I watched the televised debate among the candidates with their sights set on being President of the Regional Madrid Government, after the elections on 4 May. I say debate, but predictably it was the usual slanging match with few solutions for the virus-beleaguered / economy-beleaguered people of Madrid, and I went to bed halfway through. As did half the country, possibly.

Current PP Presidentess Isabel Díaz Ayuso - although they call her "Ayuso" in the same way they called Pablo Ruiz Picasso "Picasso", since, well, sometimes daddy's surname is a little common and doesn't cut it - was defiant and uppity. The Princess of Darkness (I know I use that term a lot, but just look at her - the white pallor, the red lips, the staring eyes - can't you just see her rising up out of a coffin, sinking her fangs into your neck and slurping up your claret?) did quite well, I thought, even though she was being deservedly cut to pieces by the lot of them, of course.

Right-wing Vox candidate Rocío Monasterio whinged about the MENAs (an acronym for non-accompanied immigrant minors) costing over 4,000 yucks a month, while "your grandmother", she said, gets just over 400 on her pension. There have been complaints about this kind of thing, with Vox posters plastered up showing a dear white-haired old doll and a vicious-looking hoodie kid with a mask and more than a bit of a North African look to him (well, at least he was wearing a mask, whereas the pensioner wasn't, but I suppose the underlying idea is that he was wearing a mask as a disguise to feel up the ladies, rob banks, and throw bricks at the police with impunity).

I could go on, especially about a couple of the moaning lefties, but frankly I don't want to waste my time on them either, and we're not even allowed to talk about politics on the forum, and of course I endeavour to observe the rules of the forum at all times, as you know. Well, I do some of the endeavouring bit, but it doesn't always work out, that's all.

[Edited at 2021-04-22 07:13 GMT]
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P.L.F. Persio
 

Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
Németország
Local time: 21:26
Tag (2007 óta)
holland - német
+ ...
These are clearly the consequences ... Apr 22

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

He was also at pains to apologise to his neighbour, a Mr S, for the loud screeches at all hours by gaggles of women being pleasured beyond their wildest dreams to the strains of 'Sex Bomb', and the lewd spectacle of the panties of their stand-ins waiting their turn

... of the Brexit, because current EU legislation would have prescribed at least three mobile toilets and a London machine for that location, to relieve the hygienic situation. Are the distances being kept and are there enough disinfection measures offered in the place? A security service should ensure that everybody neatly queues up and that there's not too much noise (below 96 dB(A), measured outside at a distance of 10 m from the sleeping room window). Defibrillators had to be provided, for all parties involved.


Mervyn Henderson
Chris T
P.L.F. Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spanyolország
Local time: 21:26
spanyol - angol
+ ...
TÉMAINDÍTÓ
Brexit Apr 22

I think it's the interference of Schlafzimmer (?) in German, Matthias, but it would appear that for Tom the bedroom just has, well, a bed, but not much sleeping gets done there. Not to mention next door at Mr S's either.

I hear that Tom is connected at all times to a defibrillator during the act, just in case, and as for hygiene, well, the usual precautions - the word is that delivery men in brown coats are regularly seen with cardboard boxes every day marked "Extra-large Lubricate
... See more
I think it's the interference of Schlafzimmer (?) in German, Matthias, but it would appear that for Tom the bedroom just has, well, a bed, but not much sleeping gets done there. Not to mention next door at Mr S's either.

I hear that Tom is connected at all times to a defibrillator during the act, just in case, and as for hygiene, well, the usual precautions - the word is that delivery men in brown coats are regularly seen with cardboard boxes every day marked "Extra-large Lubricated - Deluxe Thrills and Spills."
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Matthias Brombach
Chris T
P.L.F. Persio
 

Chris T  Identity Verified
Egyesült Királyság
svéd - angol
+ ...
Forgive me, but... Apr 22

... every time you write about Tom, I think about a different Tom...

P.L.F. Persio
Mervyn Henderson
Matthias Brombach
 
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